Rambles...

I've been thinking about happiness a lot these days. It's a funny thing, happiness is, because you imagine that your circumstances need to be just so, or your babies need to not be sick, or you need to not be living in a hospital room in order to experience said happiness. I can now attest that that is not true. Happiness has been showing up in the little moments, even back in the bleakest days in the ICU. A hug from a husband, a joke from a toddler, a good cup of coffee, a stable day medically, a sunset out of the hospital window, a grin from a sick baby... Those moments come and they are so sweet. Perhaps even sweeter because I am going through a valley. Happiness might not be the right word, though...its probably better described as joy.

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I miss my husband a lot. Like a lot, a lot. I miss having conversations that don't revolve around decision-making, I miss going out to dinner just with him, I miss sleeping in the same bed. We are two people fighting for our kiddos; advocating, comforting, pursuing, and loving the crap out of them, and there just isn't extra hours in the day for each other. THIS WILL NOT ALWAYS BE SO, of that, I am sure. But, goodness, it is really hard.

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Hospital staples: coffee, granola bars, chapstick (duh!), antibacterial wipes, non-hospital food, Danskos, and a pillow from home. And more coffee.

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