Sunday, August 11, 2013

New hardware.

I'm sitting here with Watts as he sleeps off drugs from surgery and chemo drips into his body simultaneously.

Yes, the central line/hickman broke again. Then was fixed. Then leaked again. All in about 12 hours.  Last night was a blur of residents and surgeons and nurses trying to figure out how to repair the thing.
Alisa documented repair #1. Watts is on happy med, Versed, at this point.
By morning, the decision was made to just replace it. By 9am, Watts and I were downstairs in pre-op and by 9:20 he was back getting new hardware.

He woke up livid and struggling but with a new line and no complications.

It was a pretty rough time, honestly. I don't function well with no sleep so the quiet moments in the wee hours of the morning were filled with a lot of tears and angry prayers. I may or may not have told God that it just wasn't fair. I just felt tired of it all...tired of holding Watts down as he screams (new IV had to be placed in his foot and lots of messing with his line late at night), tired of waking him up to have yet another set of doctors look him over, tired of lines, tired of being away from Michael and Piper, just tired of all of it. This was suppose to be an "easy stay".

At some point in the wee hours of the morning, Soren (the on call resident who we know from PICU days) said to me: "He looks great. Just remember, this is just a small bump in the road...he is just fine." And it was like a load was lifted off my shoulders and I remembered the truth: 1) My son is a warrior boy and resilient as heck.  And he is infection-free at the moment and looks great! 2) We have made it through a lot and can definitely make it through a sleepless night and a faulty central line. It is a small, small thing in light of it all. 3) I will in fact someday sleep again. 4) He has always been faithful to us, even in the hardest of times.

And then I was felt like I could breathe again. It is still hard and frustrating, but good to remember that in light of the seriousness of leukemia, a faulty line is seriously just a bump in the road.

Thankful for:

Just a broken line (not an infection!).
Sweet hugs from nurses. 
Coffee after sleepless nights. And then second cups.
Awesome PACU nurses.
Salted dark chocolate.
Keller sermons.
Chemo started ON SCHEDULE! Craziness.
The happy time medication, Versed.
A visit from a sweet friend last night. Thanks Alisa!
A PICU nurse who came up (to save the day!) and started the IV.
A new teddy bear for Watts (from PACU nurse).
"Ninja Nurse," Jo, who seriously went to bat for little Watts with a rude surgical resident last night.
Nurse Laura, who caught a slip-up made post-op and remedied it.
N.A. Linda who stood over Watts singing for several minutes to help get him to sleep.

I am blessed. And still will probably cry when I finally see Michael tonight. . . 

PS. I re-listened to a fantastic Tim Keller sermon this morning while Watts was in surgery: Good stuff.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Hannah...I wish I could hug your neck right now. I am so sorry that all of this has happened. Words escape me in knowing what to say. I think of you and your sweet warrior often. Praying for sleep to come soon. Bless you.


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