Saturday, November 16, 2013

Day 10.

Oh to be home! Watts and I have both been a little out of sorts today... he can blame his low hemoglobin, I can only say that I'm getting stir-crazy with a bit of a bad attitude to boot.

There is a little one next door who owns this floor. At 18 months old and the same diagnosis as Watts, he has spent the last 15 months in and out of this hospital and still has a long journey ahead of him. He has relapsed and will soon be heading to Duke for a bone marrow transplant, but you wouldn't know it by looking at him. Last night I pulled Watts out into the hall for a wagon ride and this little guy was standing in the middle of the hall breaking it down to music on the iPhone, a crowd of fans and nurses around him. He is a hero, as is his family.

And I gripe because I am bored and just wanna go home.

My prayer is to have a contented heart regardless of the the very midst of suffering, or boredom, or isolation, or fear, to rest in Him. Not because I am numbing myself out to the circumstances around or chanting some feel-good Bible verse, but because I know that He is in the midst of it with me. Just like Jacob wrestled with the angel, God invites the honest cries of my heart and the wails of my weariness. There is no surprise here for Him. His sovereignty holds my days in place, He has walked the path of ultimate suffering and pain, and knows every tear. And He is good.

His mercies are new every morning. Thank goodness.

Psalm 84: 5-8

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
in whose heart are the highways to Zion.

As they go through the Valley of Baca
they make it a place of springs;
the early rain also covers it with pools.

They go from strength to strength;
each one appears before God in Zion.

O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer;
give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah

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